We went on a standard city tour round the Kings Palace and then a boat ride through the back waterways of the city, past peoples houses and back doors. The rest of the day was Rated 18, so look away now…
Sitting on a boat doing nothing was surprisingly tiring, so we retired to a Dim Sum bar which turned out to be in a red light district. Avoiding the fish snacks we had a light lunch as that evening we were due a buffet dinner. Whilst we were eating a number of scantily clad ladies arrived on the street outside and peered in through the window at us, which seemed the wrong way round, but we carried on as the spring rolls were very good.
Moving slightly down the road we dropped in for a coffee and the same happened again, then we headed to a bar and the same again, except this time there were hordes of westerners paired off with young and bored looking Thai girls.
Should probably mention at this point that we’re currently 2 boys and 4 girls, so are having to be disapproving anyway, but it was pretty creepy. Turned out we were the pot calling the kettle black.
Anyway, we headed off to up the 77 storey Baiyoko Tower for an underwhelming buffet but then headed higher up the tower to an open air walkway on the 77th floor, for an amazing if drafty view over the city.
Ping Pong Time
On asking what to do next the girls unanimously agreed, with no hints or prodding, that they wanted to head to PatPong to see a Bangkok Ping Pong show, which is neither Table Tennis or as Boris Johnson would say, Wif-Waf. A few pretend grumblings and a short taxi ride later we arrived in PatPong. From the taxi we tried to cross the road to a busy looking bar, but were waylaid by two touts carrying a menu.
Not wanting to complicate matters we carried on towards the bar and sat down, but the most persistent of the two stood by our table and thrust the menu into our hands. On closer inspection it wasn’t a food menu as such, but a list of things that young ladies would insert into themselves. (Technically there was food on there, but you probably wouldn’t want to eat it).
Intrigued we followed him down a side alley and ended up standing outside a club called Sidewalk (there was one other, but I didn’t want to be photographed near a sign offering Super Pussy). Inside was pretty quiet and we were greeted with some amusement by the staff – I’m guessing they don’t get many predominantly female groups wandering in. Would have been worse if I’ve walked in and they’d cheered “Steve!, Welcome Back!”
I arranged a kitty (or Super Kitty as I called it) then looked about a bit more. Obviously I’m only recording this so you never have to set foot inside such an establishment, so be grateful. We sat in a booth in the corner, whilst up on stage 6 girls danced and looked generally happy to be there, which was more than I’d expected. One round of expensive drinks later the madam of the house wandered over and gave us the same activity menu as before, saying it was a rota that went in order as long as people were buying drinks. One of the girls piped up “We’re only here to see the Ping Pong”, so that immediately went to the bottom of the list, meaning we had to buy lots of drinks to keep it going.
A new, considerably less attractive girl joined the others on stage, squatted and pulled out an improbably long string of fairy lights. Sadly it’s hazy, but in my memory they were lit, although I couldn’t hazard a guess where she would have put the battery…
She wandered off then came back a few minutes later and pulled a series of razor blades out. Again, no idea how they could have got there – she should be more careful.
Some time and a lot of drinks later the madam came and sat at the big spenders table, which turned out to be us. She started massaging my back and neck, asking where we were staying and whispering expensive nothings in my ear (2500 Baht a night if it’s of interest). Annoyingly this was when the girls were shooting bananas across the room, and with my back turned I couldn’t see to duck the flying fruit.
A few near misses later (both from bananas and madams) and it was time for the Ping Pong balls. The girls lined up on stage and assumed the firing position. A couple of our girls were placed on chairs in the middle of the room and given Ping Pong bats and told to return the serve. This was all fun until they got too competitive and nearly got one of the balls back where it came from, so having seen what we came for, and rather a lot more besides we made our excuses and left.
One chap and two of the girls headed back for some sleep leaving the rest of us wide awake and in need of a bar. This wasn’t easy to find after midnight, so we piled into a typical looking tuk-tuk which turned out to have some excellent modifications: every time the brakes were pressed the whole thing exploded into flashing disco lights. The driver of the party tuk-tuk knew a place that was open until 6am so we paid him a bit extra and headed off into the night.
He deposited us down another side alley and watched with amusement as we opened the door of the ‘late night bar’ which turned out to be a brothel. Bored looking girls barely looked up as we wandered in, again confused by the presence of the English girls, so we ordered more drinks and took in the scene. Aside from us the only other patrons were a couple on the first night of their honeymoon, which seemed rather inappropriate. Eventually a seedy/needy looking guy wandered in and perused the girls. Selecting one he paid in advance then walked her towards a door which we assumed led to bedrooms, but peeking through seemed to just go to the outside garage – very romantic.
By now it was 3am and there is limited fun to be had sat in the reception room of a brothel, so jumped back in the waiting Party tuk-tuk and laughed our way back to the hotel.
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